About jealousy

One of the first phrases that comes to mind at the mention of jealousy is: “Jealous means love.” And in this way a certain indulgence is written out, giving a positive color to this phenomenon. And if a person is not jealous – does this mean that he/she is indifferent?

Let’s look at the definition first:

Jealousy is a predominantly destructive feeling in interpersonal relationships that occurs when there is a lack of attention, love, respect or sympathy from a loved one or a very respected person, while someone else supposedly or really gets them from him. Jealousy is a phenomenon of complex psychological nature, one of the most difficult and unpleasant feelings.

You can look at this phenomenon, as well as at many others, from unexpectedly different angles, which we are going to do now.

1.Jealousy can be a form of expression of one’s emotions in a situation when a person has not yet used the spectrum of other emotions and it is unusual for him to often use them instead of jealousy.

2.Jealousy can be completely uncontrollable, poorly controlled or used specifically for a specific purpose.
Example: a person is not jealous by nature, but his partner requires manifestations of this feeling, being sure that if the husband / wife is not jealous, then he/she does not love.

There are different models of relationships. There are couples, let’s call them the “Italian family” in which not a single day passes without a quarrel and scandal, and this is the norm for them.

There are completely different couples who are more pleasant and accustomed to draw energy from an atmosphere of calm and harmony, and they do not need conflicts at all.
The most difficult pairs are mixed, as described above.

3. Jealousy can be a sign of distrust of oneself and to the world, making one painfully doubt even that he has no evidence, being actually generated by groundless fear.

You can deal with this in a simple way: think in advance what you will do in a particular case. Remember: if a person wants to lie and cheat on his partner, then he will still find a way to do it. In view of this evidence, it is useless to experience, but it is painful to admit, immersing yourself in a veil of self-deception.

Two options are possible here: if there is a basis and evidence of betrayal – draw conclusions, forgive the person (negative emotions poison the one who is experiencing them) and leave him/her.

If there is no reason for jealousy, it is better to turn attention to working with ourselves.

4. Jealousy – as a kind of sadomasochism. Can suffering bring pleasure? Yes, and this is the topic of a separate large material. Such people tend to generate energy from destructive emotions without unpacking the positive in themselves.

5. Sometimes, under a sauce of jealousy, solemnly present love. And here a separate topic appears: what is love for this or that person? Can everyone clearly answer this question?
Is it unconditional love and acceptance of a person as he is and a desire to see his smile even to the detriment of his own ego?
Photos on Instagram to the envy of everyone?
A stamp in the passport and a doll on the hood of a white car?
Bank card?

6. Jealousy may be the result of hypersensitivity. The spectrum of emotions of the person is not stingy, as in the first paragraph, but so wide that it is possible for the person to experience 100 times more emotions than others. And among them is jealousy, but it harms the person himself.
Sometimes in cases of such people, sometimes jealousy is the consequences of a very difficult and negative experience of previous relationships, to get rid of which takes time and self-therapy. Never say never and do not judge: if you could just put yourself in his shoes for a moment, perhaps you would understand why it is not as easy as you seem to think.

7. Jealousy can be a means of manipulation, a way to arouse guilt in a partner in order to achieve a particular goal in a relationship.

A person who would like to get rid of jealousy can be recommended to relate to this phenomenon from the perspective of a researcher. To use jealousy not as a sledgehammer that everyone around is ruining (naked groundless jealousy combined with rage and dictatorship), but as a masterly tool: add a peppercorn to relationships in combination with irony, humor, deliberate and measured use of it.

Everything can be the medicine and everything can be the poison. The main thing in what dose and in combination with what this or that remedy is used.

In conclusion, I would like to say that in life there are already enough stresses, external influences and at least relations between close people should be a quiet haven of paradise, in which you can always hide together from external winds and storms.